Victorious
by moonbow-gem
Summary: Formerly called Drama Queen, this is a collection of YOI one-shots, most of them being about Victuuri, especially my weakness, domestic!Victuuri, including marriage and an adopted daughter. Summaries and ratings are inside. Hope you enjoy! Please leave reviews to help me improve! :) UPDATE - CHAPTER 7: SURROGATE 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO.
1. Table of Contents

Hey everyone! This story used to just be Drama Queen but I decided it made sense to put all my one-shots in the same place. I'm not sure how many will end up being here, so I'll just say it's in-progress for now. Most of these will probably be Victuuri fluff, especially domestic!Victuuri because it's my weakness. lol Ratings depend on the individual one-shot. Hope you enjoy. Please **review** to help me improve!

Let me also say that I have two other Victuuri fics which I would have included here but they'd already been published before this one. :( They're called Sharing is Caring and The Sleepover so check those out too if you're interested!

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 **Table of Contents**

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 _2\. Drama Queen_ : Everyone has insecurities, but not everyone is a drama queen about it like Victor. Yuuri, however, loves him too much not to deal with it. I wrote this fluffy Victuuri fic after seeing episode 7 (won't reveal if you haven't seen it yet!). Includes married life and an adopted daughter! Rated K. [Romance] [Humour] [Family]

 _3\. Surrogate:_ Yuri has time to think about what's been missing all this time. I wrote this after seeing episode 8. Rated T. [Romance] [Humour] [Family]

4\. _Victor-occhan the Red-Nosed Russian_ : It's almost Christmas and Victor is a damn mess, but what else is new? These are just the kinds of antics Yuuri's become used to. Rated T. [Humour] [Romance] [Family]

5\. _Snook Snooks for Your Foot Foots:_ English is hard... Yeah, that's it. Victuri fluff! Rated K. [Romance] [Humor] [Family]

6. _Orange Crush_ : It can be tough being the youngest skater in a competition, but it's not to bad if someone's willing to drink Orange Crush with you. Rated K. [Humour]

7\. _Surrogate 2: Electric Boogaloo_ : Ever since Yuuri started training in Russia, he and Victor have been attached at the hip. Yuri decides that something must be done. Rated T. [Romance][Humour][Family]


	2. Drama Queen

_Everyone has insecurities, but not everyone is a drama queen about it like Victor. Yuuri, however, loves him too much not to deal with it. I wrote this fluffy Victuuri fic after seeing episode 7 (won't reveal if you haven't seen it yet!). Includes married life and an adopted daughter! Rated K. [Romance] [Humour] [Family]_

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The shenanigans had started exactly one week ago.

That day had started like any other day. Yuuri woke to the sound of his ring tone with Victor's head resting on his chest, both their bodies tangled in the sheets when he could have sworn they were spooning when they first fell asleep last night. Victor had probably had one of his trippy late night ice cream induced dreams again and tossed and turned them into this awkward position. Yuuri _did_ tell him that rocky road ice cream at 12am was a bad idea... The dark haired man didn't think about it too deeply as his attention drifted back to the song blaring loudly from the bedside table. The screen flashed "6:30" repeatedly as if that would help rouse the couple faster. Wrapping one arm around the sleeping man's form, Yuuri carefully manoeuvred himself to reach over as not to wake Victor too roughly so that he could grab the phone and swipe across to turn the alarm off. Once the noise had ceased, Yuuri placed his cell back where it was and went to work gently shaking his husband by the shoulder.

"Vicchan," he half whispered into the bluish dawn light that shined in through the bedroom window. The platinum blond groaned against his chest in response, but Yuuri persisted. "Come on. We need to get Meichan ready for school."

Normally, waking up early wouldn't have been a problem for the two figure skaters, but they had each went on a semi-hiatus since the arrival of their adopted daughter, Meiling. They weren't doing a whole lot of skating nowadays because they had a budding family to focus on, but they stayed relevant in that world in other ways. Although he had to ease up on training, Victor still insisted on working out and eating the way he used to. The one thing he'd let up on, however, was waking up early. Victor hadn't had the chance to enjoy sleeping in since he was a teenager many years ago and he was making full use of his new-found time to get reacquainted with that luxury. But that didn't change the fact that it was time to wake up and prepare their daughter for the day. Yuuri shook him again.

"Vicchan."

Victor stubbornly buried his face into the cotton fabric of Yuuri's tshirt. The younger man beneath him sighed and then spoke a little louder. "Vi-"

Before he could get the word out of his mouth, the bedroom door swung wide open. Yuuri gasped at the sudden motion and Victor's blue eyes were wide with shock.

"Papa~! Papochka~!" shouted their tiny daughter, her brown eyes bright with energy. Beside her stood Maccachin, the little family's faithful canine friend. He used to only want to sleep with Victor, but ever since little Meiling joined the family as a baby, it seemed he always wanted to be around her. Perhaps he felt personally responsible for protecting the youngest member of his pack. Either way, he had grown a fondness for her that Yuuri and Victor found to be endearing.

Maccachin was wagging his furry tail as the little girl bounced across the room and climbed into bed with her two fathers. She stood on the side where Victor typically slept in her pink Little Twin Stars nightie and jumped up and down excitedly, dark pigtails dancing on either side of her little round face.

Slipping on his glasses, Yuuri laughed at her antics and glanced at the man still in his arms then back at his little chicken nugget. If Victor wasn't awake before, he certainly was now. "Morning, Meichan!"

"Morning! Wake up, wake up! Papochka, wake uuuup!" chanted Meiling. It was then that the dog on the floor jumped into bed with them as well and decided he wanted to lay down on Victor's exposed legs. The bed was starting to get very crowded. With a sigh, Victor finally lifted his head from Yuuri's chest, defeated by a 5 year-old girl and her dog. Through tired eyes, he put on a warm smile for the little one anyway.

"I'm up, I'm up," he assured her and began to pull himself off of his husband's body with a deep yawn.

"Finally," Yuuri chuckled and earned a pouty look from his former coach.

Meiling moved to let her papochka sit in his spot before wrapping her little arms around his neck. "I gotta go to kindergarten!"

Victor draped an arm around Meiling's legs so she could sit on his forearm as he stepped out of bed, carrying her with him to the bathroom, Maccachin shuffling onto the floor to follow. "Yes, I know, malyshka. Let's go brush your teeth, okay?"

Now this was the location of where everything started. The family was crowded in the small washroom as they usually were early morning on a weekday. Everyone but the dog had a toothbrush in their mouths, Victor was cheerfully reminding Meiling as she stood between her fathers on her chair that the tooth fairy loved when children cleaned their teeth properly, and Yuuri was preparing her little plastic cup so she could rinse. Maccachin watched their morning ritual curiously as he always did and after their baby, the parents took turns rinsing themselves.

"You excited for kindergarten?" Yuuri asked as he brushed his daughter's hair. Victor was bent over the sink washing his face while his husband carefully braided Meiling's dark tresses. At first, Victor had always been the girl's hair stylist seeing as he had experience with long hair himself, but Yuuri decided about a year ago that he ought to learn too. Truth be told, he was starting to get the hang of it.

"Yes!" Meiling replied cheerfully. "Can I bring Maccachin to show-and-tell?"

The dog's ears lifted a little at the sound of his name and Victor chuckled, lifting his head while turning off the water and then patting his face with the towel hanging around his neck. When he was done, he ran his fingers through his hair thoughtfully. "Not until we've spoken to your teacher."

Meiling pouted. Even though they were not related by blood, she had Victor's pout down pat. "Why don't you bring your Maccachin plush toy instead?" Yuuri suggested.

The girl's expression seemed to brighten at this before turning into confusion when she heard her papochka gasping deeply. Yuuri turned to see his husband looking down at his hands as if someone had shot him there. Concern welled up in his stomach, but he tried to keep his voice calm as not to scare their daughter. "Vicchan? Are you alright...?"

Victor's lips moved, but no sound seemed to come out. He whispered something that was very hard to hear.

"Vicchan, I can't hear you..."

He whispered again, this time a little louder, but Yuuri still had to focus to hear. "G-grey."

"'Grey'?" Meiling and Yuuri repeated in unison.

Victor turned to them both with a horrified expression and held up the alarming thing in his hand: a single grey strand of hair.

"A grey hair," the Russian man said, hauntingly.

...

The bathroom was completely silent. Yuuri's brown eyes looked at the hair, then at Victor's face, and then at the hair again, and then at Victor's face again. Meiling fixated on the offensive little thing in her papochka's hand, a curious look on her features. No wonder Maccachin hadn't even flinched at his owner's alarm.

"Uh... Vicchan..." Yuuri spoke slowly, but he was interrupted before he could say anything more.

"It's happening," said Victor, his hands now on either side of his face. "I'm getting... _old_." He seemed to have some difficulty with that last word.

Meiling continued to look perplexed. She thought her dads were _already_ old (even though they were both still pretty young). There was a huge elephant doing back flips in the room, but Yuuri didn't have the heart to point it out. Instead, he decided to console his distraught partner.

"Come on, Vicchan. It's only one hair."

"This is terrible!" the man called papochka lamented as Maccachin yawned, clearly unphased. "First it's thinning. Now it's turning grey?"

"Your hair isn't thin. It's beautiful."

The elephant was singing Destiny's Child now and Meiling could hear it. Yuuri continued to pretend it wasn't there.

"Don't try to comfort me, Yuuri. It's gonna happen – I'll be bald and grey and hideous."

"Vicchan, no. You know that's not true."

"But it _is_ true. All of my hair will go grey!"

"But, papochka," Meiling interjected innocently. The elephant paused its chorus of " _Say My Name_ " and watched the scene with and expression that said, _finish him_.

Yuuri knew exactly what she was about to say. _Please, no._

" **Isn't all of your hair already grey?"**

By the time the triplets arrived to walk Meiling to school as they always did, Victor was still in his black boxerbriefs from that morning, siting on the toilet lid as if Mohammed Ali himself had kicked down the bathroom wall just to knock his block off. Yuuri had assured the little girl that her father was alright and then sent her off with a kiss on the forehead. He counted himself lucky that she had no idea what she had done nor that papochka's subsequent behaviour was as a result of her question.

For the next week, Victor carried himself with this sullen look as if he were dying tomorrow. A dark cloud seemed to follow him wherever he went. He would never get dressed – he'd just walk around in his underwear (the _comfortable_ ones, not the sexy ones) with a long blanket covering his entire body and making him look like a floral patterned ghoul floating about the house. He would play Mozart's Requiem on loop with his phone to the point that everyone could tell before seeing him that he was coming. For every question or comment directed his way, he always seemed to have some doom and gloom response that sounded like bad emo poetry.

"Hey Vicchan, Meichan and I are about to watch Ponyo. Wanna join us?" Yuuri had asked one day.

"No thank you, darling," Victor replied. "I am afraid it is no longer appropriate for someone as old as I to enjoy the fruits bore by the tree of youth."

"Vicchan, I'm ordering pizza. What toppings do you want?"

"Worry not for my indulgence, my young love, for I am no longer able to appreciate life's sweetest luxuries with the innocent wonder which makes them so sweet." ( _Pepperoni it is_ , thought Yuuri with a sigh.)

"Vicchan, it's your turn to do the dishes."

"I shall get to the task, oh my resplendent Yuuri, however, please allow me more time for these raggedy old bones no longer move with the swiftness they once had." Yuuri, whose back was turned at that moment, rolled his eyes.

"Papochka, I saw a butterfly!" Meiling exclaimed cheerfully that Saturday when she ran inside from the back yard.

"How wonderful, but truthfully, it is _you_ who are the only ray of sunshine in my cold, blackened world, little one. I'm afraid I know not the foreign beauty of which you have named ' _butterfly_ '." He said that last word as if he hadn't a clue what it was.

"Bark," said Maccachin.

"Be still now, dear hound," Victor murmured, holding the dog while still covered in sheets. "So that I may use what few hours the Lord has afforrded me to marvel at the softness of your fur coat."

Yuuri had to tell poor Meiling that her father was just practising for Halloween when she asked. Luckily, the fact that it was spring didn't seem to poke holes in the validity of this explanation for her. It all seemed like a fun game to Meiling at first, but after a while, even she grew tired of Victor laying in the candlelit bedroom all day like a corpse in a casket, holding a single dried red rose to his chest, the Requiem reaching a crescendo as he weakly sent her off to retrieve for him a "pittance of crackers" from the kitchen.

This morning, after sending Meiling off to school yet again, Yuuri decided he'd had enough. Victor had recently started refusing to come down for breakfast, instead opting to stay in their bedroom with that infernal music playing and the curtains drawn and the candles lit. As he reheated the miso soup, Yuuri fried another tamagoyaki to be brought to the dramatic overgrown child upstairs. Surely, Yuuri could understand having insecurities. He himself had many, but to sulk around for an entire week the way Victor had been was absolutely ridiculous. Shovelling some rice out of the rice cooker and into one of the small bowls, Yuuri took the tray of food and climbed the stairs to the bedroom, Mozart's Requiem seeming louder with each step. The Japanese man knocked twice.

"Vicchan," he called. "I've brought you breakfast."

From inside the room, there came a rather small voice. "Hark, merciful angel. Waste not your comforts on me. Please, just leave me to die."

 _Oh for the love of..._

"Victor," Yuuri said sternly. He only called his husband by his real name nowadays when he was serious. "This is ridiculous. I'm coming in there."

With that, the door swung open and in stepped Yuuri, his eyes finding Victor sprawled on the bed, his chiseled chest exposed and the sheets wrapped around him making him look like a nude Greek goddess, but Yuuri was too frustrated to stand back and admire him. He placed the tray of food on the night stand and hovered over his partner looking like an angry parent about to scold his child.

"You need to stop this right now."

His head laid on its side, Victor opened the eye facing upwards halfway to look at Yuuri where he stood. He said nothing, so Yuuri continued.

"I know you're afraid of getting old and all that, but you can't go on like this. Meichan's going to start really worrying about you if do you." _And so will I._

Victor closed his eye again with a sigh. Deep down, he knew this was silly. When he opened it again and shifted so both his eyes could gaze at him, Yuuri was surprised to see a genuinely sad expression. "I know... But I just... I know most people wouldn't worry about it so much, but I think of that grey hair and it makes me feel... so bad."

The Russian man sat up then and stared at the wall across from him. Slowly, his partner sat down at the edge of the bed beside him. Finally, they could have a real conversation about what Victor was feeling. This wasn't a melodramatic show. This was the real Victor talking, and even being a little vulnerable.

"You know, Yuuri, male patterned baldness runs in my family. It's only a matter of time. You're lucky your dad still had a full head of hair. Mine looks more like Yakov."

It really was a wonder how two people could look at the exact same thing and see something so completely different. From the moment Yuuri had laid eyes on Victor many years ago during childhood, he ignited something inside of him. It was a strange feeling he'd never felt before. He almost thought he was sick, but when he tried to explain these feelings to Yuuko, she assured him it was only because of how amazing Victor was and that everyone felt that way. Yuuri had believed her, but how was she supposed to know? She was only a child like him, after all. She had no idea what love was and neither did he, so he continued to tell himself that his feelings for Victor were merely that which a fan would have for their hero. It wasn't until after they had formally met that Yuuri realized that that burning adoration persisted. Once he was finished being starstruck, Yuuri could still feel any burden lift off of his heart when Victor was around. Sometimes during practice, he felt more like he was walking on air than gliding across the ice. It was better than fandom. It was better than katsudon. It was something he'd still never experienced before, and yet at that press conference so long ago, he'd proudly proclaimed it was love, but even then, he had no idea. It wasn't until later that he realized just how much he was truly drawn to Victor. He would cross one thousand oceans and climb one thousand mountains if it meant the Russian man would stay by his side. And so, he couldn't see age or grey or any of that when he looked at him. To Yuuri's eyes, Victor was the most beautiful, the most talented, the most amazing, and the most affectionate man on earth. No one could even be a close second. Only he could see the way his blue eyes shimmered like sunlight on the water or the pearlescent quality of his soft milky skin or the way the curves of his muscular body resembled picturesque mountains and blossoming valleys or the strands of pure metallic silver moonlight mixed in with his platinum blond hair or... Oh he could go on for hours.

How curious it was that Victor could look at himself in the mirror and see anything less. Surely, the mirror must be lying because it is jealous that it could never emulate such beauty in its reflection, but Victor didn't seem to think so. Would he even believe Yuuri's rose-coloured vision of him? Would it hurt to try?

Yuuri felt the same surge of courage he would often feel just before performing, knowing that Victor would be watching from the sidelines. He adjusted himself on the bed so that he faced the other man and took both his hands in his own, squeezing them gently. Surprised, Victor looked Yuuri square in the eyes, curiosity colouring his gaze.

"Victor, I understand that this is something you're insecure about. And I'm sorry that you feel this way. I just want for you to know that I've never in my life set my eyes on someone I thought was more attractive than you are. I was completely captivated ever since I first saw you when I was only 12 years old. And to this day, that's all I can see when I look at you: the exact same beauty that trapped me – and even scared me a little to be honest," he laughed a little then when he remembered the confusion of his youth and continued, Victor's eyes reflecting a kind of heart-struck surprise not only at his words but at how genuine Yuuri was being. "I wish I could just give you my eyes so that you could see. I swear you'd never doubt yourself again! But since I can't do that, I'll do everything I possibly can to help you believe it... The way you do for me."

There was a silence in the air then, but it wasn't awkward or heavy. It was as if a burden had been cast aside or the window had been opened to let all the stuffiness out. Victor continued to stare, his face inches from Yuuri's, but the other man only smiled warmly and didn't seem to mind being stared at. Suddenly, the gap between them closed as Victor planted an innocent kiss on Yuuri's lips. The younger man was taken aback by the abrupt nature of the older man's actions, but he quickly returned the kiss and involuntarily squeezed his lover's hands tighter. When they had parted, Victor swiftly claimed Yuuri's lips again to deepen the kiss, freeing his hands from his grasp so he could hug the smaller man closer to his body. They broke apart again, breathing now a little more difficult for them both, but they managed to touch their foreheads together and stare into each other's eyes to share a warm moment of mirth between them.

"No one's ever said anything like that to me before," Victor admitted. This was the closest thing to shyness Yuuri thought he'd ever seen in him. "I didn't know how else to respond but to kiss you."

"Well, I certainly don't mind," Yuuri laughed. His lover smiled in response.

"Do you... you really meant all of those things?" he asked. Deep down, he knew the answer, but he still loved hearing it.

"Of course! You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen – I promise you."

Victor thought for a moment. "... More than Chris Evans?"

Yuuri looked at him with incredulous amusement. "Haha, what?"

Victor's grin widened. "Am I more beautiful than Chris Evans?"

The smaller man sighed. He could see this was turning into a game, but he was certainly willing to play. "Yes, Vicchan."

"What about Gackt? Am I hotter than him?"

Yuuri blushed. He wanted to play along but it was starting to get embarrassing. "Yes, you are."

"Okay um... How about... Utada Hikaru?"

"She's a woman."

"So?" Victor winked at his partner, earning a laugh from him.

"Vicchan! Okay, fine. You're more beautiful than all of them."

"Oh! What about Lupita Nyon-" He was cut off when Yuuri, tiring of this game, held his face in both hands and silenced him with another warm, gentle kiss. Victor laughed softly into it and grinned at his lover when he pulled away. "Alright, I'll shut up."

"Good. Now your breakfast is getting cold!"

This of course was not the last time that insecurity would rear its ugly head, but remembering Yuuri's little speech did tend to help Victor fend it off in the future.


	3. Surrogate

_Yuri has time to think about what's been missing all this time. I wrote this after seeing episode 8. Rated T. [Romance] [Humour] [Family]_

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The adrenaline hadn't yet stopped pumping through Yuuri's body when he exited the rink. The cheering crowd still roared in his ears, he was still breathing heavily, his heart was still furiously pounding against his rib cage. Yuuri was exhausted and his body craved the warm bed in his hotel room, but emotionally, he could have flown right over the moon on sheer happiness alone. Everything had gone exactly the way he wanted it to go. His step routine was perfect – just like it had been in practice. Not only had he landed every single one of his jumps, but he executed them fantastically, even the one he'd dangerously planned for later in his performance. He had felt the narrative of his story with every fibre of his being and the audience felt it too. When the young man saw the look on Victor's face as he waited for him at the kiss and cry, he knew. Even though he couldn't hear the announcers losing their minds in their booth, Yuuri knew he'd done a wonderful job.

"Yuuri!" shouted Victor over the crowd, his face displaying pure joy as he stood in front of the cameras with his arms outstretched.

"Vicchan!" Yuuri responded, and ran on his skates straight into the taller man's arms. Victor laughed happily as he swayed from one side to the other, holding Yuuri so tight that the dark haired man had no choice but to move along with him or else risk falling over. Suddenly, Yuuri found himself being hoisted into the air and spun around after Victor had let go of him only to bend his knees slightly and grab the dark haired man again by the torso. The Japanese man was giggling with uncontrolable delight at this. He could not remember the last time he saw Victor this excited. Even the camera crew members couldn't help but smile with how infectious their mirth was. This was it. Yuuri's dreams were finally within his grasp. He would be taking gold with that performance for sure!

Finally, the two were calm enough to sit down and hear Yuuri's score and of course, he'd easily taken first place.

"I'm so proud of you!" Victor said into Yuuri's ear after he kissed the younger man on the forehead and pulled him into yet another bear hug.

Yuuri smiled against his shoulder. Not wanting to part just yet, he took Victor's face in both his hands when he could feel his lover gently pulling away and gave him a tender peck on the lips. His brown eyes held a warm expression when he broke apart from Victor again and he stared into the other man's turquoise blues, still cradling his face.

"What was that for?" asked Victor slowly, a smile of his own crossing his well-sculpted face.

"Nothing really," Yuuri responded, the gaze between them never breaking. "Just for being with me all this time, I guess."

The platinum blond chuckled, barely noticing that his lover hadn't yet let go of him. Feeling Yuuri's warmth against him made him feel so content that he didn't even think to pull back. "No need to thank me. I love being here with you."

"That was only a taste anyway," Yuuri whispered low so the cameras wouldn't hear. Suddenly his aura seemed to turn a passionate scarlet just like it always did when he performed his Eros routine. Innocent, but hungry and willing. Yuuri tended to be less shy about getting like this the longer he knew Victor, and now, it was pretty easy to slip into his seducer persona. "I'll thank you properly when we get back to the hotel."

A silver eyebrow raised suggestively on Victor's amused face, blue eyes turning cobalt with desire. He subconsciously licked his lips a little before responding with his own breathy whisper. "In that case, I won't stop you."

From the other side of the rink, an angry little blond kitten regarded the couple with a healthy amount of disgust. He couldn't hear a word they were saying, but the looks on their faces said it all. Two wild male animals caged only by social conventions which condemned public sex waiting with savouring patience for the private moment when the cage doors would finally open. For a minute, they looked like they wanted to devour each other right then and there. Considering how long they had been together now, no doubt they'd done that before... Yuri Plisetsky made a face as if he'd just bit into a very sour lemon. Those guys made him sick to his stomach. They were probably stinking up the kiss and cry with their gross lusty pheromones. Oddly, he felt twinge of embarrassment as he watched them and he couldn't understand why. He normally didn't care about PDA but something about Yuuri and Victor _specifically_ being so open with their affections felt like it reflected on Yuri himself somehow. As if the audience had dreamed up some imaginary connection between the couple and the Russian teen that would cause all three to share the same shame. It didn't make any sense. Why would those two and their disgusting display reflect on _him_ in any way?! Yuri tried to banish the heinous thought as the couple put their professional masks back on and left to be interviewed. It was his turn to skate and the last thing he needed to be thinking about right now while trying to look beautiful and delicate was having to hold in his vomit at the thought of Victor's O face. But for some reason, it was hard to focus on the task ahead of him.

"Are you ready?" asked Yakov, suddenly appearing in Yuri's direct line of sight.

Yuri slipped off his signature jacket to reveal the outfit he had on underneath – an expertly woven white suit with feather-like ornaments and perfectly places translucent sequins. With his blond hair open and fanning around his face, he looked like some sort of ethereal white swan. Of course, that was the idea. "Ready."

It wouldn't be too long until Yuri had to begin, but even then, try as he might, he just couldn't quite get rid of this weird heavy feeling. He shook his head vigorously as if the force would knock the emotion off of his mind. _What's wrong with me? What is this?_

Sighing, Yuri closed his eyes. Was it Yuuri and Victor? No, they were gross but not really all that interesting, whatever weird feelings they inspired in Yuri aside. Was he just nervous? Opening his eyes again, he stared out at the crowd and began to skate about the rink. No, it couldn't be. He'd practically grown up in front of an audience, so how could that be the problem? Yuri was about to turn at the bend when his aqua coloured eyes fixated on something in the stadium. Something bright and red.

Way up high near the top row, there sat a little girl. The bright red thing which caught Yuri's eye was her hair glistening underneath the electrical lights. She was positioned atop the shoulders of a rather large, burly looking bear of a man. He was all red and freckled just like she was – probably her father. Beside them was a chubby little woman with blond hair, large hips and a kind face – the same face as the girl's. They were all cheering and excitedly waving their miniature Russian flags. The trio was so far away and so small in the sea of people that their voices were lost in the crowd, but their lips seemed to be chanting, "YU-RA-CHKA! YU-RA-CHKA!". Yuri stopped in his place and just stood there, seeming not to realize he was staring. The three of them just looked so happy together. _Wow... That's so nice..._

Suddenly, Yuri realized what the heavy feeling was. It was a concoction of different things. Wonder at why he had no idea what that little girl must have been feeling. Shame at the persistent thought that he _ought_ to have some idea of what she was feeling. Emptiness for the fact that God had made Yuri himself and not her instead. Yuri didn't think of his own parents often, but every time he did, it felt just like this.

He regarded the family further, specifically the two adults. They probably doted on the girl and ate meals with her and spent so much time with her... It wasn't that Yuri never felt loved by anyone. His grandfather did everything he could, but ones parents play a rather unique role which cannot easily be replaced. And when they did not play their role, it would always be painful to think about. One in Yuri's position can never help but wonder sometimes why they had been robbed of the opportunity to have a happy relationship with their parents. It was a wound that never really healed, and watching someone else have what he couldn't seemed to irritate it further.

Where even were his parents? They couldn't take a little time out of their schedules to watch this important moment in their son's life? His grandfather always tried, so why couldn't they? Were they even proud of him at all or did they just like the nice fat pay cheques he brought home to their dinky little house? Yuri's breathing increased and his fists balled up at his sides, his pale face flushing with anger. _**Are they even proud of me!?**_

But then, a sound shook Yurio from his trance-like, frustrated state.

"Yurio~!"

The blond turned quickly to the direction of the noise and searched for its origin. It had rung out like a bell over the roar of the crowd from over by the entrance and there stood the two animals themselves. Yuuri and Victor were waving their arms at him wildly, both sporting the biggest goofiest grins Yurio thought he'd ever seen. Something about the air around them seemed so very warm, even against the coolness of the rink.

"Good luck, Yurio!" shouted Yuuri. "We believe in you!"

"You can do this!" added Victor. "Make us proud!"

Yurio's eyes widened slightly before he could stop them. He really hoped they didn't notice and he replied with a scowl before skating to the middle of the rink to get into position. He took a deep breath in, trying to ignore the annoying words bouncing around in his head. _We believe in you! Make us proud!_ What kind of jackass cheers for the competitor anyway?

... Why did he feel a little lighter?

Yuri shook his head again. He told himself he hated their cheers. He _should_ hate those cheers. They make no sense at all and he was supposed to hate everything that that pig did! ... But as hard as he tried, he couldn't bring himself to be angry with Victor and Yuuri. Against his better judgement, he just felt... _calmer_. He would never admit it to himself, but there was a tiny part of him that was thankful that those two men were there. Yuri _could_ accept, however, that maybe his disposition made him more vulnerable to accepting their familial charms. He couldn't fix his wounds within the next few seconds, but he could stick a bandaid on them.

 _I suppose they'll do... for now._

It turned out that Yuri did quite well himself; still not as good as Yuuri's performance, but certainly good enough to still be considered formidable competition. But for some reason, being second to Yuuri Katsuki again did not feel like a total failure when the two ecstatic men were proudly congratulating him on a job well done. Yurio shrugged them off of course. Couldn't let them think he'd gone soft.

"Whatever," he said over his shoulder as he crossed them, sporting his signature glare. "I won't come in second next time, _piggie_."

"Yurio, let's go out and celebrate!" called Victor from behind him. Yuri turned quickly on his heel to face the other Russian, an angry scowl on his face. What kind of jackass asks the competitor out for a celebratory dinner anyway?!

"That pig is my rival, Victor!" Yuri shouted, frustrated that he really had to spell it out for him. "I'm not going to dinner with either of you!"

"Okay, what about dessert?" Victor had that infuriating smile on that made his lips look like they were heart-shaped. Yuuri behind him didn't even seem at all insulted by Yuri's outburst. _Are you serious?_

"NO!"

After some back and forth, Yuri ended up just leaving mid-sentence while Victor was still talking cheerfully, but as he walked away from them, he couldn't deny the fact that his chest felt very pleasantly full...

... Then, hours later, he saw Victor grab Yuuri's ass on the way to the elevator. Suddenly, the same mixture of embarrassment and sickness flooded back into Yuri's body. Against his better judgment, he glanced around quickly to see if anyone saw that. Later, he would ask himself why he cared, but for now, it seemed important. _What the- They're in **public**!_

"Goddamn it!" he shouted at them, the couple nearly jumping out of their socks at the sudden loud noise. "Keep it in your pants, you fucking animals! JESUS!"

He then pushed past then quickly, face absolutely glowing, and entered the first open elevator, pushing the button to close the doors before the shocked Victor and Yuuri could even collect themselves. When he was gone, they could only look at each other in stunned silence, before slowly bursting into a fit of laughter.


	4. Victor-occhan the Red-Nosed Russian

_It's almost Christmas and Victor is a damn mess, but what else is new? These are just the kinds of antics Yuuri's become used to. Rated T. [Humour] [Romance] [Family]_

* * *

 _Oh no._

 _Oh God._

 _Oh no no no no!_

 _He's crying._

 _Why is he crying?!_

Hmm.. Actually, that's a bad place to start the story. Let's go back a few hours.

This story takes place before Yuuri and Victor were married and adopted their future daughter, so the two of them live together as boyfriends in their small home with only their canine pal, Maccachin, to take care of. They were discussing the idea of marriage and the two were both reasonably sure that it was likely to happen one day or another, but there were a lot of things they needed to work out before then in terms of logistics. What kind of wedding would they want to have? How much money would it cost? Would they be married in Japan or Russia and whose family would need to be flown in? The obstacles between the couple and holy matrimony were mostly things of that sort rather than either party just not being emotionally ready for the commitment.

Another thing Victor and Yuuri were pretty certain about was that they wanted to be fathers. Yuuri found, however, that he had a little more patience for this than Victor. Yuuri understood that it would take them a while to get to a place where it was feasible and responsible to adopt children. He has always been the more practical one after all. Victor understood this too, but his nonexistent barren womb just seemed to be calling out to him louder than Yuuri's was to him. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he would hit thirty before Yuuri would... Either way, Victor was itching for fatherhood and it really showed in the way he had started acting around the Nishigori triplets. The three little girls seemed to have really grown on him since he permanently moved to Hasetsu. During the colder months, Victor would take them out to the skating rink and comfort them when they fell on the ice and buy them hot chocolate to make them feel better. The spring and summertime meant picnics under the cherry blossoms and ice cream and other fun warm weather activities. The first time the girls started calling him Victor-occhan, he just about teared up, the big goof. He also bought them another round of ice cream. Needless to say, he'd fallen in love with little Axel, Loop, and Lutz, like a mama bird falls for her hatchlings. Their real parents thought it was incredibly sweet.

Now that you have some background, let's get to the plot. That Yuletide evening had started out pretty normal in the Katsuki-Nikiforov house. Tooru Oikawa, who was good friend of theirs, was holding an ugly Christmas sweater party at his residence and Yuuri and Victor were all ready to go. The couple had created their own ugly sweaters that year – Yuuri's covered in LED Christmas lights and Victor's looking like he'd killed and skinned The Grinch. The party was walking distance from their own dwelling, which Yuuri would be thankful for later on in the night. The celebration itself was fun and everyone had a blast, most of all Victor who'd chugged an entire carton of eggnog just to prove he could.

That's when the fuckshit truly began.

Yuuri told him over, and over, and over again...

"Vicchan, don't get too drunk. You know you're messy when you're drunk."

That was earlier when they were getting ready to go. Victor laughed the way he always did and waved his hand in front of his face dismissively. "I'll be fine! Don't worry, _mom_ , I'll be responsible, okay?"

But that was then and this was now and Victor had _chugged an entire carton of eggnog just because Tooru bet he couldn't_. From somewhere in the crowd, Yuuri suddenly appeared and grabbed Victor by the elbow just as he was gloating in his victory.

"H-hey!" yelped the Russian man as he was taken from his audience. Victor did _love_ the entertain...

"Damn it, Vicchan! You said you wouldn't get drunk!" Yuuri scolded him once they had gotten to a rather quiet place by the punch.

"Aw, Yuuri," Victor replied, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend's waist and pulling him close. "Come on, I'm not drunk."

To anyone else, he would seem pretty sober, but Yuuri knew better. After knowing Victor for as long as he did, he could tell. In fact, Yuuri had developed a scale in his head just to measure how drunk Victor was because it was the only way he knew how to deal with him. The Victor Drunkness Level System, or VDLS (pronounced "vitals"), as he called it. This way, Yuuri could predict Victor's behaviour and intervene when necessary – stop him before he committed a misdemeanour. Right now, Victor was at about a Level 1 on the VDLS – not too bad. Drunk enough to _want_ to make some bad decisions, but also sober enough to resist such urges.

Yuuri sighed, a little frustrated. "Okay, whatever. Look, I'm gonna get you some water. You just stay here, okay?"

"Of course, my love!" Victor grinned with his signature heart-shaped smile. Yuuri only offered a crooked smile in return before he ran off to the kitchen. Maybe Victor would sober up faster if he had something to flush the eggnog out of his system. It might have been a good idea if not for one mistake on Yuuri's part, which he'd only realized when he'd come back, tall glass of water in hand, to an empty corner. Yuuri quickly glanced around him and found his boyfriend was nowhere in sight.

"V-Victor?! Where are you?"

Just then, a pair of people came up from behind him. "Yuuri!" called the man.

Yuuri turned around to find Makoto and Gou looking quite frantic as they approached him. They were both panting and looked exhausted. Makoto was leaning with his hands on his slightly bent knees to catch his breath while Gou pressed her hand over her heart pounding in her chest as she too gasped for air. "Hey, Makoto, Gou... Why do you look like you've been running?"

"We're looking for Haru," the man named Makoto explained. "Have you seen him?"

"We think he might be trying to figure out a way to defrost Tooru's pool," Gou chimed in between breaths.

The dark haired man shook his head slowly. "No, sorry. I haven't seen him... Have either of you seen Vicchan by any chance?"

Makoto stood up then, his athletic body better able than Gou's to recover quickly. He pointed at another corner of the room, but he was a good head taller than either Yuuri or the young woman with them, so it was harder for the other two to see where he was pointing. "Isn't that him doing shots with Rin there?"

Yuuri nearly dropped the glass right there. "WHAT?!"

Knowing there was a possibility he might drop it in his haste and leave shattered glass everywhere, he placed the water onto the nearby table and hurried through the crowd without saying a word more to either Gou or Makoto. Yuuri damn near sprinted in the direction the he been pointed in, nearly knocking over poor Kuroko along the way (and of course yelling his apologies over his shoulder). He had _told_ Victor to stay put and not drink too much and he was doing the exact opposite of those two things instead! Yuuri finally crossed to the other end of the party without any major incidents and indeed found his boyfriend and the red-haired shark-like man downing shots of raspberry vodka and then laughing their asses off about it.

"VICTOR!" Yuuri shouted, his voice echoing over _Rocking Around the Christmas Tree_.

A drunken Rin nearly jumped out of his seat at the sudden loud noise while Victor drunkenly tried to hide the empty shot glasses behind his arm. "Uh oh, my boyfriend's here," he muttered to Rin with his hand in front of his face as if no one else could hear him. Victor then waved gleefully with the hand that wasn't trying to block the evidence. "Hi~, Yuuri!"

The shorter man only scowled at the taller as he approached. Victor had skyrocketed already to about a Level 4 – Will definitely make bad decisions, needs to be watched carefully, also prone to (public) nudity. The alcohol had caused Victor's entire pale face to flush, but a lot of the redness was concentrated in the tips of his ears and nose. It made him look like his nose was glowing in the middle of his face, but that wasn't about to stop him. A familiar sexy look washed over the Russian man's reddened face – the same one he'd first showed Yuuri how to do during his Eros routine – and he began to use his deeper, sensual voice. Maybe a little sex appeal would fix his lover's sour face.

"What's a fiiiine man like you doing in a place like this?" Victor asked flirtatiously, slurring just a little, before being cut off by a loud, totally unsexy belch that made his entire body rock forward. Rin beside him burst out laughing at the display as Victor tried to recover. He only giggled under Yuuri's stern glare before his boyfriend scooped him up yet again.

"Nothing more to drink, Victor," said the younger skater as he dragged Victor toward Tooru. "We're going home."

"Whaaaat? Nyeeeet, Yuuri~!" Victor slurred from behind him. The couple walked past Haruki Bando, who was just delivering a round of gin and tonics to his friends on a tray, until the objectively Messy Drunk Victor stole one of the drinks and downed the whole thing before Haruki could even pass them. Luckily for him, Yuuri didn't see that little stunt which has just pushed him just over the edge of Level 4 and into straight into Level 5, even though he left poor Haruki watching their backs and wondering if he'd really just seen what he thought he saw.

After saying good night to Tooru, Yuuri has to all but drag Victor home. Luckily, Haruka had pretty much gotten himself kicked out after his little stunt, so his friends decided it was time for them to leave as well. Besides, Rin was completely wasted thanks to a certain Russian man and he's barfy when he's wasted, so it was best if all went home. Nagisa and Rei just happened to be heading in the same direction as Yuuri and Victor and they were nice enough to help Yuuri drag his boyfriend along to their small house. Once they were gone, Yuuri was left to pull a swaying Victor into their living room area, manoeuvre around Maccachin jumping on them in his little excited greeting, and sit the intoxicated Russian down in a comfortable spot. Now, he had to figure out how to get Victor into bed. Yuuri tried a few methods but ended up making a trail of M&Ms, Victor's favourite cheat food aside from katsudon, leading upstairs and into their shared bed. More willing to eat M&Ms off the floor in his drunken state, Victor followed the trail straight into the bedroom, and it was easier to get him to strip to his black briefs than it had been to get him there, but once in bed, Victor just sat there instead of laying down.

"Come on, Vicchan" Yuuri said, gently pushing his boyfriend to lay in bed and pulling the covers over him. "It's probably best that you sleep this off... You're gonna be so hung-over tomorrow..."

"I'm not tired," Victor grumbled, letting himself be pushed into bed anyway as he still chewed on the last M&M. His face was still red and his nose still glowing.

Yuuri sighed. "You're so hard-headed... You really never listen to what anyone says, do you?" He was beginning to see why Yakov had so much trouble with him.

The man whose hair was the colour of storm clouds grinned. "I'm a reeeebel, sweetheart~!"

"Uh huh," said Yuuri bluntly as he got into the queen sized bed himself. He shut off the lamp and plunged the room into a comforting darkness. "Good night, Victor."

"Good night you, sssEXXY PIECE OF MAN YOU," Victor slurred back and then giggled to himself.

And with that, thus ended a night of chaos and fun for Yuuri and Victor...

Okay, no. I mean, that's what Yuuri _thought_ , but then...

"Hey, Yuuri?"

"Yes?"

"I want kids. We should totesssss have sex like _right now_."

Yuuri laughed softly. "Neither of us can get pregnant, Vicchan." _I wouldn't have sex with you while you were like this anyway, to be honest..._

Victor gasped in realization. " _SHIT_ , I forgot! Aw man..."

There was silence for a while then as Yuuri closed his eyes and tried to get to sleep.

"What are we gunna doooo then?" asked Victor in a drunken panic. "How are we gunna be dads and do dad stuff like tell bad jokes?"

Yuuri sighed. He actually was quite tired and still a little annoyed at his lover for getting so drunk in the first place. "I dunno. I guess we'll adopt or something. We can talk about it in the morning."

"Can we adopt the triplets?"

"No... I don't think Yuuko and Takeshi would like that too much."

"What about Yurio?"

Yuuri snorted softly. Okay, the idea of even proposing that idea to the angsty Russian teen was _a little_ funny.

"No, I'm pretty sure he'd hate us for even suggesting it."

Victor sighed, groaned a bit in disappointment, and then, he was quiet. _Finally_ , thought Yuuri as he began to drift into dreamla-

"Do ya think the triplets believe in Santa?" Victor slurred as he whispered into the dark.

Yuuri's tired eyes opened once again. He was sleepy and annoyed, but his voice was still gentle. "I don't know, Vicchan. Go to sleep."

A smile crossed Victor's face even though his bedmate couldn't see it. "I bet they're aaaaalllll snuggled up right now, dreaming about Santa Claus coming down their chim-i-ney and leaving gifts for them... Oooooh, they're so cute!" He kicked his feet cheerfully underneath the blanket the emphasize that last sentence.

Yuuri didn't bother answering this time. He figured maybe then, Victor would take the hint, but a minute later, his boyfriend had violently shot up in bed. Surprised by the sudden gesture, Yuuri got up himself and turned on the lamp on his side. He looked at the other man's still blushing face and saw horror painted all over it. Now he was worried.

"Vicchan, what is it?!" asked Yuuri.

"Yuuri..." Victor said in a small voice, his blue eyes wide and in stark contrast with his sanguine skin. "Santa isn't real."

 _... Are you kidding me?!_ Yuuri's expression fell and he sat there, blinking at the Russian man beside him. Here Yuuri was, genuinely worried about him, and he was just being silly again. "... Yes... Vicchan... I know..."

"He's no' real! D'you know what dis meansss?!"

"... No..."

"No one's gunna deliver the triplets' presents tahnight!" Victor squealed, running his fingers through his white hair desperately.

"Vicchan, it's not even Christmas Eve," Yuuri tried to explain to the panicked drunk. "Look, it'll be fine. It-"

Yuuri stopped suddenly. Had he actually seen what he thought he saw? No, it couldn't be... Could it? There was one and then another. So he _wasn't_ seeing things! Tears, real actual tears, made there way down Victor's blushing cheeks as his blue eyes overflowed with them. For a minute, Yuuri could only stare in a mixture of real concern and disbelief.

 _Oh no._

 _Oh God._

 _Oh no no no no!_

 _He's crying._

 _Why is he crying?!_

"V-Vicchan...!" Yuuri said and instinctively reached out to pull the sobbing man closer. In all likelihood, this display as 100% due to the alcohol which was still flowing through Victor's system, but Yuuri couldn't stand the idea of Victor being so upset that he'd been moved to tears no matter what the reason was. He wanted to protect him from anything that would cause him to feel unhappy, so Yuuri cradled the drunk Russian man in his arms as if he weren't just annoyed with his silly banter only a second ago.

"I-I'm sorryyyy," Victor whispered, his words still seeming to melt together. "I jus' wan' the triplets to be happy on Christmets." Apparently, saying the words _triplets_ and _Christmas_ in the same sentence was a bit of a tongue twister for him right now, but Yuuri paid no mind to that.

"I know," said Yuuri, much more sympathetically than before as he rubbed circles onto Victor's bare back. "Let's try to get some rest, okay?"

That night, Victor was the little spoon even though he was usually the big spoon, but Yuuri thought he needed to be cuddled right now, so he rested his head against the older man's shoulder as they both drifted into a peaceful sleep.

-/-/-/-

Yuuri woke up abruptly in the middle of the night at about 3am to find his little spoon was missing. He looked about the room in the dark, tired eyes finding no one there except Maccachin at the foot of the bed. There was still the possibility that the Russian man had just gone to the washroom, so Yuuri waited for about five to ten minutes for his boyfriend to return. Ten minutes came, and ten minutes went, but still, Victor hadn't return. Where the hell had that man gone off to?

Yuuri swung his feet over the edge of the bed, attracting his canine friend's attention as he did, and padded along the floor toward the open bedroom door which he had definitely closed when they first went to bed that night.

"Vicchan?" he half whispered as he entered the hallway and saw the lights on downstairs. Curiously, Yuuri made his way down the steps and searched for the white haired man. "Vicchan, where are you?"

He heard someone whisper _"shit"_ , before quickly heading out the door. Much more alert now, Yuuri ran to the front and looked out the window to find Victor, wearing his grey tracksuit and his winter jacket, running from the house and nearly slipping on the slightly icy sidewalk. "VICCHAN!" Yuuri called out, now frantically putting on his own heavy coat over his pajamas.

Once he had finally gotten the infernal zipper to zip up, he headed out the door after his boyfriend, making sure to lock it behind him. Once Yuuri reached the sidewalk, he saw his lover clumsily running away, clearly still drunk from earlier. The Japanese man braced himself and bounded after him, much more careful than the Russian man to avoid patches of ice. "Vicchan, what the fuck?!"

"GO HOME, YUURI!" Victor called over his shoulder, his red nose still visible in the winter night. "THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO!"

But Yuuri wasn't about to turn around and leave – not when Victor was running about the way he was. Chances were, Victor would have been escorted home by police after having done _some_ kind of Nikiforov brand fuckshit and Yuuri couldn't let that happen. So he continued to run, thinking about all the ways he'd lecture the big oaf when they got home, until he suddenly realized where Victor was going.

Why the hell was he running to the Nishigori's house?!

"VICCHAAAAAAN!" Yuuri shouted, not realizing that his target had already stopped moving until he ran right into him, causing them both to slip around comically on the patch of ice beneath them until they could steady themselves. Days, perhaps years, from now, Yuuri would look back on this memory and think that only Victor Nikiforov, five-time world figure skating champion, could have possibly recovered from a near-fall like that while still piss drunk. "Vicchan, what the-"

"SSSHHHHH!" Victor hissed loudly after grabbing Yuuri and pulling him close to clumsily place a finger to his lips.

"What the hell are you doing?!" demanded Yuuri in a harsh whisper this time.

"I'm gonna save Christmas, Yuuri!" a determined Victor explained, whispering enthusiastically as he gestured to a messenger bag around his shoulder which Yuuri hadn't noticed before.

The shorter Japanese man responded with a confused expression, his volume raising a little. "What are you talking about?"

Victor hushed him again and then directed his attention back at the quiet, darkened house where their friends were sleeping. He then stumbled over, still in a drunken haze, to the front door. Yuuri hurried behind him.

"No, Vicchan! You can't just-!" he yell-whispered at the drunk Russian who was sway-marching proudly over to the house.

"I won't wake dem up, my bootiful future husband~!" Victor whispered back, getting down on his knees (and almost falling over as he did so) when he was finally on the porch.

Yuuri looked around frantically. There had to be some law they were breaking right now. "Vicchan..! What are you-"

Then, Yuuri saw something glint in the platinum blond's hand under the moonlight. He squinted slightly, as he'd forgotten his glasses at home in his haste, until he realized with horror what it was: The spare house keys from under the welcome mat. "Vicchan, no!"

But it was too late as the heavy door had already swung open and Victor hurried past the threshold into the house within. Before Yuuri could even call out his name again, there was a loud series of bangs, booms, and crashes followed by painful groaning. Suddenly, every light on the upper floor of the house flickered on and Yuuri knew they were in trouble.

"I'm okay..." Victor called to his boyfriend from inside in a rather pitiful little voice.

-/-/-/-

The time was now close to 5am. Takeshi was driving both the young men to their home, laughing the entire way. Picture this: Yuuko and Takeshi were rudely awakened when they heard the ruckus from downstairs in their home and, thinking it some ne'er-do-well coming to do them harm, they both picked up whatever they thought they could use as a weapon and ran into the line of fire thinking of nothing but saving their children from whatever threats awaited them in the dark living room. Instead, they found their front door swung wide open with a frantic looking Yuuri panicking in a circle on the other side, periodically peering in at Victor, who was visibly drunk with his nose still glowing red, his body bent over their coffee table which he hadn't seen when he'd originally charged in. He had the shade of a nearby lamp perched atop his white head, one of his shoes had managed to shoot off during his fall and hit the ceiling (he mustn't have put it on properly to begin with), and his legs, flexible as he was, were spread far apart as he was sprawled over the table. Victor's messenger bag beside him was full of gifts – Russian gingerbread cookies he'd baked himself, various souvenirs he'd picked up on his travels, and other random items he must have just found around his and Yuuri's house. Even in his intoxicated state, he'd realized all the local toy stores would be closed that early in the morning, so if he was going to "save Christmas", he had to improvise. Cookies and his own random belongings were the best he could think of.

There was a moment of genuine confused silence among the Nishigoris at first. The parents observed the chaos for a while (Victor groaning about his knee in the background) as the triplets quietly sneaked down to join them and see their occhan in such a state. The silence was thick as the snow outside until it was finally broken by the sound of Axel taking a picture of the scene with her father's cellphone.

"W-what the hell is all this?!" asked Yuuko, the silence now diffused. Yuuri's mouth opened, but nothing except the occasional little yelping sound came out.

"M-merry Christ _ **MAS**_ ," Victor tried to say before another unsexy belch messed up the last word.

Takeshi just burst out laughing. And he never stopped laughing. He laughed when Yuuri tried his best to apologize and explain the horrible night he'd had trying to look after his wild boyfriend. He laughed when Yuuko was treating the scratch Victor had gotten on his forehead with some rubbing alcohol and a bandaid. And now, he was laughing while driving the embarrassed men home, the Russian one now feeling more sober than before.

"Victor, my dude, you are a _trip_!" Takeshi exclaimed, finally parking the car just in front of their residence. "You break into my house, nearly slice my whole coffee table in half while looking like Rudolf the goddamn Red-nosed Reindeer to deliver random junk to my kids and it's not even Christmas yet!" He was overtaken by a new round of the giggles.

Now sobering up, Victor could tell he was never going to live this down. Yuuri felt very little sympathy for him at this point if any. He just wanted to go to bed. Takeshi was touched at least that the white haired man cared for his kids so much that he wanted their holiday to be special, but this was just _too damn funny_.

"Thanks for driving us home, Takeshi," Yuuri said while taking off his seat belt.

"Yes, thank you," said Victor, doing the same. Yuuri paused then and gently elbowed Victor in the ribs to remind him he still had something else he had to say. The older man winced a bit, still sensitive from his fall. Yuuri felt _a little_ bad for that. "And... sorry again for everything."

"Hey, it's no problem!" Takeshi grinned from the front seat. "My kids got a real kick out of it, and thanks for the cookies! Why don't you break into my house again next year, eh?"

It wasn't long before the couple was back in their bedroom. Maccachin was already fast asleep, not even bothering to go after his owners and involve himself in their silliness. Victor, exhausted from the night's events, ended up throwing his clothes into a pile on the floor and plopping into bed like a ton of bricks. His body felt all sore and he was starting to get that gross hung-over feeling already. "Yuuri," Victor groaned into his pillow as his boyfriend stood behind him. "I'm really, really sorry. I'll listen to you next time..."

Yuuri stood there, staring disapprovingly at Victor's sprawled body. He really should be more angry. He should make Victor sleep on the couch in the living room or whatever else TV couples do when they're mad at each other, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. He thought about the massive hang-over Victor would need to deal with coupled with the bruises and soreness from his fall and he just couldn't bring himself to punish him further. So Yuuri sighed, took off his jacket and then slipped in beside the silver haired man to resume their spooning from earlier. Victor turned slowly, almost painfully, to take the little spoon position again.

From behind him, Yuuri kissed the back of Victor's aching head and gently tightened his grip around his midsection, remembering the other man's current sensitivity. "Good night... you jerk."

"... I love you, Yuuri."

Yuuri sighed. It always warmed his heart when Victor said he loved him. He nuzzled his face into the back of his lover's neck. "I love you too."

Victor wasn't allowed to get drunk for a long time after that, but since he was truly sorry for all he had put Yuuri through that night, he wasn't exactly _trying_ to ever get that intoxicated again... Besides, that hangover he had the next day was no joke.

* * *

Hope everyone enjoyed that! Just so you know, the word "occhan" comes from "ojichan" which means uncle... So the triplets call Victor "Uncle Victor". :)

Please remember to leave a review and thanks for reading~! Happy holidays to everyone!


	5. Snook Snooks for Your Foot Foots

_English is hard... Yeah, that's it. Victuri fluff! [Romance] [Humor]_

* * *

Learning a second language is hard. Anyone who's had to sit through a compulsory high school French or Spanish class can tell you it's not easy, but if you're really dedicated to learning, you need to have a sense of humor about it.

Yuuri and Victor had been very happily married for about a year and it would be a lie to say that the language barrier had never come between them before. After all, while both spoke English very well, Yuuri's first language was Japanese and Victor's was Russian. Each was attempting to learn a bit of the other's native lingo as well, but this was a slow and mostly casual process. They still spoke English to each other on a daily basis and it worked for the most part, but neither could really be called fluent, so every once in a while, there would be some sort of confusion between them.

Today, Victor had just gone out shopping at a local department store. Yuuri was feeling a little bit under the weather that week so he stayed home and just tried not to feel miserable. The poor thing had spent most of his time that day sniffling in bed and looking like a sad puppy with only Makkachin to keep him company. Victor felt bad leaving him alone so he could run errands, but he realized there was something he could do to make up for it. After pulling up to their apartment, the grey haired Russian man unloaded the groceries and a special item for his Japanese beau. Placing the bags of food on the kitchen counter, he scooped up the gift bag and hurried upstairs to their shared room.

"Honey~!" he called in a sing-songy voice as he opened the bedroom door. "I'm home~!"

Yuuri groaned as he turned over in to face his visitor. Around his eyes and nose were red, he looked exhausted, and he sounded like he was only breathing through one nostril. It really broke Victor's heart to see his adorable little Yuuri in so much distress, but he was happy to see the younger man's face brighten at his presence.

"Welcome home, Vicchan!" His voice cracked a bit, but he looked so gosh darn cute even when he was all sickly that Victor couldn't help but go over and kiss him on the forehead.

"Aww, my poor Yuuri!" he said and tried to wrap his partner in his outstretched arms.

Yuuri tried to swat him away weakly. "Vicchan! Don't come too close. You'll get sick."

Victor stood back and puffed out his chest, placing his hands on each hip heroically. "What are you talking about? We Russians don't get colds!"

A small laugh escaped Yuuri's sore throat. "The time after you decided to go swimming in Spain in December says otherwise."

"Pssh, that? That wasn't a cold, Yuuri. I was just sneezing a little – that was all."

"You said you were going to die."

Victor shrugged and sat at the edge of the bed. " _Metaphorically_."

The younger man flashed a toothy grin at him and rolled his eyes. For the first time that day, he was actually beginning to feel a little better.

"I got you something," said the Russian man, pulling the gift bag out from behind his back.

"What is it?"

Victor's face lit up like a child on Christmas Day as he withdrew his gift from the bag: it was a pair of an article of clothing – the kind you put on your feet to keep them toasty before you put your shoes on. They were thickly knit and lined with a fluffy sherpa fabric. The perfect cozy gift for someone who needed to stay warm.

"Tada~!" exclaimed Victor as he presented them. "I got you a pair of-"

Victor froze. He stared at the items in his hands; the left and then the right... _Fuck... What are these things called again?_

Now Victor's problem wasn't that he didn't know what they were. In Russian, they were called "noski" – he knew that. He just couldn't remember the exact English word and he definitely didn't know what they were called in Japanese. However, instead of asking Yuuri about it, Victor had a slightly different strategy which he often used. Frequently, when Victor did not remember or simply did not know what the proper word for something was in English, his way of solving the problem was to simply make it up. Just call it whatever he figures it looks like. Because Victor Nikiforov ain't got no time to be googling English words. He was a very busy man after all. He had to buy noski for his very sick lover!

So, Victor thought about the situation briefly. If you could view his brain processing, you would see various math equations with triangles and drawings of little noski dancing about his little grey head.

"Mmm... Uhh..." And then, it came to him: "Sn-snook snooks."

Yuuri didn't even notice at first. "Aw, thanks Vic-" But then he did. "... Did you just say 'snook snooks'?"

A bead of sweat trickled down Victor's silver brow. "... Yes."

Now, here's the thing you need to know about this situation. As was previously stated, Yuuri's first language is not English either. His knowledge of the language is pretty good, but not fluent. So whenever Victor does this – whenever he makes up English words at his convenience – Yuuri is always about 90% sure that these words are not real... But then there's that 10%. The 10% which causes him to phrase his sentences awkwardly or ask native English speakers to explain the difference between words like 'discuss' and 'discus'. While the vast majority of Yuuri says, "He made that up,", that small part squeaks, "... Or did he?".

Yuuri stared at Victor blankly. He had a feeling he was taking the bait. "... What are 'snook snooks'?"

" _These_ are snook snooks," said the other man, holding up the noski with an infantile grin.

"Those are not snook snooks," argued Yuuri flatly.

"They are."

"They aren't."

"These are snook snooks."

"No, Vicchan. You're doing that thing again!"

"They're snook snooks for your foot foots."

 _'Foot foots'?_ Okay, now Yuuri knew he was just being silly, so he grabbed the pillow that was supporting his head and threw it at Victor's silly, pretty face. The Russian man let out a little scream before he fell back laughing after this playful assault.

"Hey!" he said.

"You made that up!" exclaimed Yuuri with a grin as he continued to attack his husband, but Victor wouldn't go down without a fight. No ma'am. He crawled up the bed quickly, accidentally waking up Makkachin, and grabbed the other pillow. He then swung around and hit his sick partner who then yelped with surprise. "You can't attack a sick person!"

"Oh, _yes I can_!"

Makkachin watched as the two adults continued to fight while giggling like children only to fall into each other's arms, a merry little pile of mirth and cuddles. Once they were finally too fatigued to keep laughing, Victor stared into his lover's deep brown eyes planted a second kiss, this time on Yuuri's lips.

"V-Vicchan!" gasped Yuuri. Although he was about to scold him, he was smiling against Victor's kiss. "You're going to get sick."

"I don't care," said the other man and went in for another.

Eventually, the two of them ended up laying side by side and facing each other, still elated from the pillow fight.

"So," Victor said, propping his head on up on his elbow and grabbing the pair of comfy noski. "What would _you_ call these then, Mr. English Professor?"

Yuuri regarded the item in his partner's hand and thought. And thought. And thought... _Oh, damn it._ He could swear that he knew the answer a moment ago but then all of Victor's antics had knocked it right out of his head. The only things that were coming to mind were his native Japanese, "kutsushita", and...

"... S-snook snooks..." Yuuri said quietly, deflating into the bed with a defeated sigh.

The widest heat-shaped grin of Victor's life spread across his face. Yuuri couldn't remember either!

"I win!" he nearly shouted, pumping one fist into the air while the younger man groaned beside him.

* * *

This story was based on a headcanon I posted on Tumblr like... last month. lol Just as a side note, I see your comment there, **Marcus Ironside** , I just don't have any ideas for a fic like that yet. But I'll post it up if it comes to me! Thanks for the suggestion. :)

By the way! If you like these oneshots, check out my new story, Urussia Yatsura! It's gonna be a lot longer than a oneshot, but it's about the Katsukis meeting Victor's family. Remember to leave a review~!


	6. Orange Crush

_It can be tough being the youngest skater in a competition, but it's not to bad if someone's willing to drink Orange Crush with you. Rated K. [Humor]_

* * *

 _Swish, swish. Fizz._

Yuri glared at the neon coloured liquid sloshing about in the thin champagne flute. No matter how long he stared at it, there was still no wine in his wine glass. Being the youngest skater in the competition had some small perks, but mostly, it was just a drag. The other competitors treated him like an equal on the ice because they knew he could roll with the best of them despite his young age, but some of them were just unbearable in other contexts. JJ, win or lose, was always a jerk to him; calling him cutesy nicknames, referring to him as "kiddo", and holding things above his head so he'd have to jump to get them before realizing he could just kick the Canadian in the shin to get what he wanted. That last one almost started a fist fight until Victor stepped in. As cocky and arrogant as JJ was, he still had some amount of respect for the veteran skater, so he'd let Yuri off with a warning before skulking back to his fiancee in a huff.

 _Swish, swish. Fizz._

Yuri growled a little. If he hadn't already felt like a child among his peers, he certainly did when holding his bright orange wine glass while everyone else had proper alcohol. They would have let him have some champagne back home in Russia, but in Spain, you had to be at least 18 to drink, and he hadn't even turned 16 yet. The gala staff didn't even have non-alcoholic wine to give him, so now, Yuri was stuck drinking this "sugary, neon-orange American garbage", as he called it.

 _Swish, swish. Sip._

"Hello, Yuri."

The blond lowered his glass from his lips and turned to see that Otabek had appeared behind him. Suddenly, the bright orange champagne flute between his fingers made him feel even smaller than he did.

"Oh, hey, Otabek," Yuri said, casually turning to place his back against the wall, but really, he seemed to be subconsciously trying to hide the glass by the shoulder farthest from his friend. The tall Kazakhstani skater noticed the gesture but decided not to ask about it. The Russian boy caught his gaze and sighed, defeatedly taking another sip as he was thirsty and there was really no sense in hiding the offensive thing anymore. "Are you as bored here as I am?"

"Probably," Otabek admitted, pressing his back against the wall beside his friend. There was a moment of silence between them as they watched the rest of the party, but it wasn't uncomfortable. The two of them had only been friends for a little while, but they already seemed to have established the kind of relationship where talking wasn't always necessary. Yuri understood Otabek's personality enough to realize that it was okay to just quietly enjoy each other's company.

"So, why aren't you drinking?" asked Yuri finally after a quick glance at the young man beside him. Otabek wasn't holding a wine glass like everyone else.

"Muslims don't drink," he replied plainly.

 _Oh yeah, that's right._ Yuri did remember Otabek mentioning his faith back at the restaurant in Barcelona. They were having a pretty interesting conversation about it since Yuri didn't know a whole lot about Islam... Well, it was interesting until their conversation had been crashed by the likes of Minako, Mari, Chris, Phichit, and the apparently engaged couple, Victor and Yuuri. Otabek didn't seem to mind the intrusion, but Yuri rolled his eyes when he looked back on that day. Luckily, it seemed that nothing of that sort would be happening at the gala. Chris was too busy mingling to notice he and Otabek against the wall and the last time Yuri had seen the fiances, Victor was encouraging his young skater to dance with him just like they had at the last gala. Yuuri, invigorated by the other man's energy and by his pride in his performance this year, didn't need alcohol to cut a rug this time, but he was still too reserved to do a lot of the, _ahem_ , more _risque_ things everyone knew he was capable of with a helping of liquid courage. Nonetheless, those two were clearly having their own fun and Phichit was probably obsessively documenting the whole thing with his cellphone camera. Yuri scrunched up his nose at the thought. He honestly thought the Thai skater was waaaaay too into those two as a couple. Apparently, he'd invented #victuuri himself, a fact which both surprised and disgusted the young Russian, especially with how popular it got online. Now, it seemed everyone in the skating world was rooting for #victuuri and begging Phichit to document the wedding, whenever it was going to happen. Long story short, Yuri was pretty sure that his annoying colleagues were too preoccupied to bother him.

"So you can't drink huh?" Yuri asked. "You and me both, I guess... Proklyatyye ispanskiye zakony..."

Otabek laughed a little and flashed a small smile at his friend beside him. Russian was one of the official languages of Kazakhstan, so he totally understood when Yuri cursed the laws that confined him in orange soda hell.

"More soda, sir?"

On Yuri's other side, one of the gala staff members had appeared, holding a tray of corked champagne and a bottle of the cursed sugary drink. They'd dressed it up, put it in a fancy glass bottle to make it appear more refined, but its bright neon colour gave it away. It was shit in a gift basket as far as Yuri was concerned, but that didn't stop him from begrudgingly holding out his glass and allowing the server to pour him some more. Once again, he was stuck with this embarrassing flashing beacon of his youth all because he was too thirsty to go without.

"Pour me some as well, please," said Otabek to the server. Yuri's green eyes widened as he saw his friend accept his own champagne glass into which the Orange Crush was poured. Wasn't it embarrassing to be seen with such a thing? The older skater caught his gaze and gave him a small, knowing smile which most people who hadn't spent two hours talking to him alone at a Spanish restaurant wouldn't have noticed. And Yuri, the angry blond kitten, the ice tiger of Russia (or punk, or fairy, or whatever), the boy who'd never really been friends with anyone before, smiled widely in response.

When the server had gone, Otabek took a swig of the bubbling orange liquid in his glass. "It's not bad."

"Yeah," said Yuri, suddenly not hating it as much. "I guess it's not."

Suddenly, there was an arm over his shoulder and Yuri found himself being pulled against Victor Nikiforov's firm chest. He looked and saw that his friend had also suffered the same fate at the hands of the laughing Russian man, Otabek still sipping on his Orange Crush. "Hey, you two wallflowers!" announced Victor. Yuri could smell a little alcohol on his breath. "Get out here and dance with us!"

"Hey, Victor!" called Yuuri Katsuki from Yuri's left. He was panting and smiling and full of energy. Clearly, he and his fiance had been having lots of fun. "Let's not have a repeat of last year!"

"Um, let's _definitely_ have a repeat last year!" giggled Victor as Yuri wriggled out of his grasp. The movement caused the older man to lose his grip on Otabek as well, who merely straightened his back so that he could stand properly.

"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY SISTER!" suddenly, Michele Crispino was there, chasing after Chris, who was _literally_ waltzing away with a laughing Sara Crispino. Emil was just behind the angry older brother, looking a little miffed himself that the skating sex god was making off with their goddess.

Of course, Chris didn't mean any harm. He was just flirting, and to be honest, Sara was flirting a little back, but it was all in good fun. Christophe still preferred men to women, so he had no intention of actually "stealing" Sara away. Still though, Chris was a bit of a trouble maker, and he was flashing little winks and mischievous looks over the sister's shoulder at Michele that were making the brother's blood boil. "Oh, Mickey, we're only dancing!" he said innocently. He pulled Sara a little closer, making her blush slightly. "I promise your sister and I won't get _too close_."

"CHRIS, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR PERVY SWISS ASS!"

In response, Chris bent slightly to whisper something in his Swiss Italian into Sara's ear. Whatever it was, it made her giggle even more. "Chris, stop~!" she said playfully.

Emil's shoulders slumped a little, a look of almost heart-broken disappointment displayed on his face. Michele on the other hand was seeing red. "CHRISTOPHE!"

"What the hell's going on over here?" as if drawn to trouble by his very nature, in strolled a grinning JJ with his beautiful fiancee at his arm.

"Oh fuck, it's him..." Yuri said under his breath so that only Otabek and Victor heard him.

"Hey, the gang's all here!" said Phichit from over by Yuuri, who'd just caught up with him now. "Group photo!"

Yuri nearly yelped at Victor grabbed he and Otabek again.

"Everyone get around me!" he called, flashing that annoying heart-shaped grin Yuri hated.

"Wait wait wait," said Phichit, lowering his camera. "Come on, Victor, we gotta get some Victuuri action going here."

The Russian man released the two younger skaters from his grasp and held his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, you're right..."

Yuuri looked at the two incredulously. It's not that he minded getting all cozy with his fiance, but he still wasn't entirely sure how he felt about his best friend and the entire internet getting in on it. "Wait, what?"

Yuuri didn't even have time to think before Victor had wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him against his body, tenderly burying his face in the other man's dark hair for the camera.

"How's this?" asked Victor.

"That's perfect!" said Phichit, already having set up his selfie stick for the picture. He positioned himself in a crouching position on the floor in front of the embracing couple while Yuuri turned a bright shade of red in the knowledge that this image would definitely be on Instagram later. "Everyone, gather round!"

Not to be outdone, JJ took his fiancee and dipped her just beside Victor and Yuuri. Sara posed on their other side with Michele, but stuck her index fingers on either side of his mouth to force her grumpy twin brother to smile. Chris was just beside her, giving the camera a sexy look, while Emil, on Michele's other side, sported a goofy grin. Yuri stood outside of the frame glaring at everyone until Otabek, still stiff as ever, all but dragged him in with his arm over the boy's shoulders. Resigning themselves to their fate, the two of them did their best to smile (although neither would ever describe themselves as particularly photogenic, so they looked a bit awkward).

Well, so much for Yuri's annoying colleagues not bothering him... But that wasn't even that bad. The worst thing about that picture was that Yuri and Otabek had been holding their glasses of Orange Crush the whole time. And even _that_ wouldn't have been so bad if Phichit didn't go out of his way to emphasize it in his caption.

"gang's all here! **[frog emoji]** #GrandPrixGala2016 #VICTUURI #GroupPic #OrangeCrush"

* * *

Translations

* * *

\- Yuri: "Proklyatyye ispanskiye zakony..." – Goddamn Spanish laws...


	7. Surrogate 2: Electric Boogaloo

_Ever since Yuuri started training in Russia, he and Victor have been attached at the hip. Yuri decides that something must be done. Rated T. [Romance][Humour][Family]_

* * *

From just outside of the rink, Yuri watched the couple on the other side of the ice, his nose scrunched up in disgust and his eyes narrowed while Mila and Georgi swooned beside him. Mila thought they were so cute together. Georgi was a hopeless romantic so he similarly loved their flirting. Yuri just felt this constant nausea when he saw them. _Ugh, they're doing it again..._ , he thought, one blond eyebrow twitching impatiently. Where was Yakov when you needed him to break those two up?

"Yuuri, that quad flip was superb!"

"Haha, thanks! By the way, was that your new program?"

"It sure was~. I'm going for a sexier image this season – not quite like Christophe, but something a little spicier than last season."

"Haha... Yeah... I, uh, _definitely_ noticed..."

"Oh, you did, did you?"

"Yeah... You looked amazing..."

"Well then, _since I know how much you love to watch, Yuuri_ , maybe I can give you a better look later..."

"Oh really? A _private session_? Sounds like fun."

"Only for you~"

"But I dunno~. Coach Yakov doesn't like when I talk to you, much less watch you skate..."

" _Coach Yakov isn't here._ "

"Hahaha, you're _bad_..."

"But you love it."

Suddenly, a pair of red skate guards impacted with the back of Victor's grey head, rather lightly bouncing off of him before landing on either side of the Russian man on the ice. From behind him, Yuri Plisetsky had re-entered the rink and skated close enough to chuck the objects at his rinkmate, face red with fury. Georgi and Mila stood a ways away, watching the scene with surprised looks on their faces.

"GET A ROOM YOU TWO!" screamed the youngest skater of the bunch. "I'M SO TIRED OF WATCHING YOU TWO CHASE EACH OTHER AROUND HERE LIKE DOGS IN HEAT!"

Although he was in the perfect angle to see Yuuri K.'s face just past Victor's shoulder, Yuri P. didn't notice the Japanese man jump back a little, his eyes widening with slight terror as he watched at his boyfriend's shifting expression until it was too late. Victor, whose back was turned to the brash young man, slowly rotated, his skates moving with as much ease as if he were born and raised upon the ice. Although his movements reflected beauty and grace, his face said something else entirely. Yuri almost whimpered underneath his smiling blue eyes. To anyone who didn't know Victor, there would have been nothing dangerous about his expression at all. Actually, he looked quite like his usual chipper self. Only those who had spent as much time with Victor as his rinkmates had could see the sinister glint in his oceanic eyes. Yuri's bravado staggered suddenly at the sight of it, and he was subconsciously shrinking back, his expression turning a little sheepish as his ego fought the primal urge to run.

" _Uh oh, Yurio_ ," Victor said in a deceptively sweet voice which was somewhere between a mother gently scolding her toddler and a horror movie serial killer taunting their victim before they snap. Mila and Georgi pressed their bodies against the half walls of the rink in fear.

Yuuri made little reaching gestures toward his boyfriend's shoulders in a feeble attempt to hold him away from the boy. "Eh, Victor...?"

But Victor did not hear Yuuri. Instead, he just kept talking in that cloyingly saccharine sort of way and slowly approaching the younger skater. "That's not a happy face~"

Yuri fought the urge to shiver at his poisonous honeyed tone and displayed fury in his features once again. "W-what the hell are you doing!?" he demanded, silently cursing himself for the stutter. "Keep away from me, Victor!"

But Victor continued to advance, still smiling pleasantly like a demon in sheep's clothing. "Let's turn that frown upside-down!"

It was so fast. Yuri didn't even see it coming. Without warning, Victor had picked up speed and closed the short gap between them. In one swift move, he pulled the teen into a bear hug and held him tightly against his solid body. Yuri yelped a little at the action and squirmed around to escape the older man's grasp. All the while, Victor still wore the same heart-shaped grin. Yuuri stood back behind them, too stunned to do anything. Mila and Georgi watched with baited breaths at whatever Victor was planning.

"Let me go!" shouted Yuri as he struggled, but no matter what he did, it was as if Victor's body were made of iron.

"Is there something you'd like to say to me, Yurachka?" asked Victor almost teasingly, his grip never wavering.

"FUCK YOU, that's what I'd like to say to you!"

There was a very brief and dangerous flash in Victor's eyes as he shifted Yuri into one arm, freeing up his right as he held it in front of the teen menacingly. For a second, Yuuri was confused, unsure of what his boyfriend was going to do. "Are you _sure_ that's what you want to say?"

"LET ME GO! I'LL FUCK YOU UP!"

Victor let out a hearty little laugh which hid not-so-subtle ill intent. "Okay~!" he near sang before jabbing his fingers into Yuri's side.

Yuri's eyes opened wide before he started squirming even more, letting out little yelps and kicking his feet in front of him. "NO NO NO NO STOP! STOOOP!" He burst out into uncontrollable laughter before he could finish that last word.

"What do you say?" his tormentor asked expectantly.

"I HA-HATE YOU VICTOR!" Yuri screeched between giggles, little tears forming at the sides of his green eyes. Yuuri now had a sheepish grin on his face as he watched what looked like a play fight between an older and younger brother. Mila was full on snickering and using the outer wall of the rink to support herself while Georgi leaned back laxly, watching Yuri's torment with an amused look on his face.

"What was that?"

Yuri couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take being made to make these high pitched involuntary noises and crumple his body this way and that way in front of an audience. He hated the idea of giving Victor the satisfaction of knowing he'd won, but there were no other options. Yuri would just have to plan to get him back later. "F-fine! Fine! I'm sorry!"

Victor's heart-shaped smile morphed into a devious smirk. He had him on the ropes. "And what else?"

" _'W-what else'_?!" Yuri repeated with disbelief. "Th-that's...! Ahahaha! That's not fair!"

"What else?" commanded Victor with more force this time.

"I-I w-won't bother you two anymore!"

"What else?"

"Hahaha! Y-you're still the hero of Russia!"

"What else?"

By this time, Yuri figured out what Victor wanted, but no. That was his last shred of dignity. He couldn't. "Uhhh... F-fine! Hehehe haha! Y-your dad _does_ work at Nintendo!"

Victor could sense that the teen knew now what he was asking for, so he pressed on. " _What else_ , Yurio?"

Yuri bit his lip bitterly. Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it... It was the only way. He inhaled deeply, and then...

 **"I LOVE MY GAY DADS."**

The sound vibrated off the walls of the rink and echoed throughout the building as Victor immediately withdrew his tickling hand. Now satisfied, he loosened his grip on the teenager and wrapped his arms around him in a real embrace. Yuri wanted to die. "And your gay dads love you too~!" Victor chirped merrily, rubbing the side of his face into the top of Yurio's head.

Yuuri fought the urge to fall over into a messy giggling heap. Mila presented no such resistance and was already laying on the ice clutching her stomach. Georgi tried to maintain his composure but ended up hiding his laughter behind his hand.

Suddenly, Yakov walked in just as Victor let Yuri go free. Yakov looked around at the bubbling skaters confusedly and contemplated briefly whether or not he wanted to know what had them so silly. Yuri just stood stiffly, thinking of all the horrendous things he would do to Victor once he'd finished puberty and had grown as big as he was. _Soon, Victor,_ he thought darkly. _**Soon.**_

* * *

 ** _!Bonus! Alternate Ending_**

 ** _(Let me know what you think of both! lol)_**

* * *

"But I dunno~. Coach Yakov doesn't like when I talk to you, much less watch you skate..."

" _Coach Yakov isn't here._ "

"Hahaha, you're _bad_..."

"But you love it."

Suddenly, a pair of red skate guards impacted with the back of Victor's grey head, rather lightly bouncing off of him before landing on either side of the Russian man on the ice. From behind him, Yuri Plisetsky had re-entered the rink and skated close enough to chuck the objects at his rinkmate, face red with fury. Georgi and Mila stood a ways away, watching the scene with surprised looks on their faces.

"GET A ROOM YOU TWO!" screamed the youngest skater of the bunch. "I'M SO TIRED OF WATCHING YOU TWO CHASE EACH OTHER AROUND HERE LIKE DOGS IN HEAT!"

The rink was completely silent as if time had been stopped.

"Aw, Yurio! You ruined it!" said a voice which belonged to none of the Russians nor the Japanese man with them.

Bewildered, Yuri looked around until he found Phichit crouching just below the couple, about in line with their hips, holding his camera phone up in front of his face. Both Yuri and his Japanese counterpart jumped back with surprise while Victor merely stared at the Thai skater. All in the rink were pretty sure he wasn't there just a second ago.

"P-Phichit!" Yuuri K. stammered.

"What the hell is he doing here!?" Yuri P. demanded, pointing at the skater as if he'd just spotted a cryptid.

Phichit sighed and stood, ignoring their questions as he stared disappointedly at his phone. "Aw man... That was some good stuff... The #Victuuri Fanclub on Facebook would have loved to see where that was going..."

"How did you get here?!" Yuuri asked, nearly shrieking with shock.

"What?" Phichit turned to them as if he only just heard what they said. "Oh hey, Yuuri! I took the bus here, duh."

Yuuri paused, the confusion not being quelled by that answer and only bubbling even more inside of him. " _We're in **Russia** , Phichit!_"

Unfortunately for Yuuri, he would remain perplexed all day after having met his friend seemingly impossibly because Phichit only answered in a circle when he prodded him for information. That night, however, a few pictures of Victor and Yuuri's flirting surfaced on Facebook with the caption, "Caught! **[hiding monkey emoji]** #TheAmazingTeleportingPhichit".


End file.
